Creative “Penguistentialist Angst”

As opposed to Monochromania?

I shall resume painting this weekend after a long creative lacuna, which was brought about by simultaneously having too much and not enough going on in my life.  Well, mostly occurring between my mine own two ears.

Too much, but never enough.

My head has been full of great plans and equally monstrous trepidation, as ever.

There are a number of projects that are stuck in the cogs, predominantly due to worrying about whether they will turn out perfectly or dreadfully and being uncertain as which is most to be feared.

Creative stuff theoretically on the go:

  • Writing
    • Stuck at 24,000-odd words, having reached the age of about 10 in my perilous life story/warning to others.  Hopefully, some more creative expression might unlock things a bit.  Project Hyacinth (How could you allow crap to happen?) which has me working backwards from a later date could bring about some movement.  The Abstract Expressionist version of an enema?
  • Painting
    "Itchy and Scratchy." v3 (c) Ian Springham, 2017
    “Itchy and Scratchy.” v3 (c) Ian Springham, 2017
    • I have produced 3 pieces since moving here over as many years ago.  Plans for further works have been sketched out – including an entire “Cat Hallucination” series, covering the first year of Lithium – but I never seem to find the time, space, or motivation for their execution.  The first will, of necessity, be bichromatic: “Itchy and Scratchy.”  Rough draft to the right:
  • Making some money
    • This seems to tie in with everything else on the list; my one question, is it cause or effect?
  • Professional Development
    • Torn between a DipTESOL and a DELTA on grounds of cost and availability.
  • Recovery Training
    • Despite my many and varied overtures to the Government and other statutory bodies, apart from founding an NGO – Pharos, V/O 1180 – little has come from my Peer Training skills and experiential wisdom, apart – I guess – from self-management skills.  I want to help to heal the world but feel entirely unheard.  Ho hum …
  • Prioritising
    • Perhaps that should have gone at the top of the list.  I have found a very helpful app, Trello, which allows me to shuffle reminder notes around my screen.  I think I can see where that is going wrong!
  • Engaging
    • A Neurotypical skill that I have overlooked or avoided.  Must try harder


“Which one of us is me?” A Penguin (among many other penguins) wants to know who he is. A cartoon from The New Yorker, drawn by Kaamran Hafeez and written by Al Batt, inspired the punchline at the top and the introspection.  Thanks, guys!

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